As I headed out the door for a Mother's Day run, I breathed a deep and grateful sigh listening to the first few lines of a StoryCorps Tough Mothers podcast.
"Being a mom can be hard. It takes patience, resilience, and a fair amount of grit."
I'm not a church-goer, but at that moment, the pavement became my pew, my heart sang, and I quietly shouted, "Hallelujah!"
I was running later in the day than I'd planned and in a sour mood that I can chuckle about now, because sometimes that's all you can do as a mom: laugh at the curve balls your sweet kids or loving spouse throw you, on Mother's Day or any day.
Here's how it all started:
I had hoped to go on a nice long run while Sean took Tyler to his Sunday morning 3-on-3 hockey game. But as I was starting to stir, I heard a familiar sound from the kitchen: the clankety-clank of Sylvia making pancakes.
Awwww ... how sweet. My girl knows how much her mama loves breakfast in bed.
I knew it would take her a while. That's how she rolls in the kitchen. So I settled back into bed and waited. I tried not to let my mind wander to the mess I didn't want to have to ask her to clean up. I knew Sean and Tyler wanted to go out to brunch as a family.
No problem.
I'll just have a little bit of Sylvia's breakfast, try to squeeze in a quick run, then go out to brunch with the whole family ... all in time to get Sylvia to her 2 o'clock soccer game and Tyler to his 4 o'clock game ... before meeting up with some mama friends to catch a Mother's Day improv comedy show.
No problem. Really. It'll all be great.
So my darling daughter delivers me breakfast in bed. Blueberry pancakes with a side of fresh strawberries, blueberries and honey-drizzled yogurt. So yummy. So thoughtful.
She dashes off to get her own plate, and when we finish up, I say as nicely as I possibly can, "You know what would be make me even happier than this awesome breakfast?"
"What?!" she asks, eyes bugged out with wonder.
"If you cleaned up the kitchen without a fuss!"
And right on cue: instant frownie face.
"I thought this was going to be a good Mother's Day. But now you're getting me in a bad mood!"
I'll spare you the details of all the drama that ensued. Let's just say I needed that run, and StoryCorps' podcast sang welcome music to my flustered ears.
"In this Mother’s Day episode, we’re paying tribute to some tough mothers — and we’ll hear what it’s like if you happen to be their kid.
We have stories about a hard-working mom determined to keep her family together, despite the physical toll it took on her; another mom who, looking back, admits she was a little too strict with her daughter; a mom whose advice wasn’t always welcome, but who ended up becoming an invaluable friend; and a daughter who had to step into a mom’s role when her own mother couldn’t.
Despite it all, no matter how challenging their relationships became, these mothers and their children never gave up on each other."
My easy three-mile run was a highlight of Mother’s Day 2017.
Others:
Enjoying a whatever-you-want-to-eat lunch with Sylvia and Tyler at our neighborhood grocery store deli after trying in vain — twice — to get a table at an overflowing brunch venue. Felt great to say, “Look, it feels like you’re trying to take me out to Mother’s Day brunch because that’s what people do on Mother’s Day. I don’t need a fancy Mother’s Day brunch!”
Venting with a fellow soccer mom about how crappy we’ve felt most Mother’s Days, because there always seems to be a disconnect between our expectations and the things our awesome husbands and kids do or don’t do for us.
Making an impromptu stop at a garden store with Sylvia, where we picked out plants and bird seed for our garden.
Planting sweet peppers, tomatoes and butter lettuce in a warm drizzle. By myself while Sylvia snuggled with our pug Pepper inside.
Laughing cathartically at Unexpected Productions’ Mother’s Day Improv Show and conversations before and after with the mama friends who joined me.
Now for the lowlights — because we need to share these, too, even more than the highlights:
Trying to ward off a tinge of guilt that I'd slept in as my under-the-weather husband woke up at 6:30 a.m. to drive Tyler to hockey.
Listening to Sylvia wail about not being able to clean up in the kitchen because a giant housefly was freaking her out. Harsh words with Dad, her bedroom door going "Slam!" then Sean cleaning up after her, because I'd told him I wanted the mess gone
Realizing “Buck up, babe,” was a pretty insensitive thing to say to a husband who wishes he hadn’t hit a stress wall on Mother’s Day — while fending off a cold and nursing a knee injury.
Cringing at news that a mama friend had to bow out of our comedy night because of a vomiting kiddo with a vicious fever.
Highlights, lowlights and all, motherhood is a challenge that doesn’t always feel that rewarding. At times it’s an exhausting, thankless stream of obligations, ones we handle like a janitor keeps a building clean.
Sure, you appreciate that your workplace doesn’t smell like gym socks and sour milk. But when’s the last time you looked your janitor in the eyes and said, “Thank you for all you do. Your job is hard, and all of us here appreciate you.”
At the end of the day — Mother’s Day or any day — we moms need to care for ourselves as intentionally as we care for others. We need to go out on a run, take a yoga class, join a book club, train for a triathlon … whatever gives us the me time we deserve but don't always make room for in our busy lives.
What about you? What's your take on Mother's Day? Share some highlights, lowlights, anything in between. Let's get get real about the imperfectly loving mothers we are and be OK with not always living up to the moms and women we want to be.
